I don’t even know who you are

Every now and then I would hear about some girl who found out her significant other had stepped out on their relationship with another woman and they would shake their head and say, “I don’t even know who you are.” ( off the top of my head Robin Thick’s woman was the last I remember saying this) This statement always baffled me because it was so apparent who that person was to everyone else. I remember thinking, “he’s just a regular guy who wanted to fool around with some new girl because it’s exciting and different …. he seems REALLY normal to me. Most guys don’t and it certainly is far from admirable but as a guy we understand the feeling or temptation” So why were these girls saying “I don’t know who you are?” … when the question from the outside perspective doesn’t seem to be relevant to the common occurrence that just happened. If anything I thought …. “you know who they are…. they are just that person ….. but also cheated on you….. so what are you asking?”

It wasn’t until it happened to me that I really understood this question. And you can only understand the question from the inside perspective. I remember thinking … “why is this baffling to me. I’m a guy. I know the temptation and how casual the occurrence (emotional speaking) can be. So why do I feel like this? … confused and unsure of MYSELF…. this has little to nothing to do with me …. right?”

After thinking about it I think I know what it is. You know all the people around you to a degree but the ONE person you feel like you REALLY know is your significant other. Out of everyone you know you know them the best. So when you find out something like that and you were not suspecting it, especially if it has been going on for some time it makes you question everything you think you know. You know them the best yet this obviously very significant part of their life you had no idea about and worse they might not have shown any signs of this very significant part of their life to you. So if you don’t know them then who do you know? And if it suddenly becomes apparent that others knew this about them then you start feeling terribly naive at best and insane at worst.

What it’s like is …. being in a room with other people …. and then suddenly someone appears in front of you for a moment and then disappears again. You are sitting there stunned that a person has just appeared and then you find out they have been there all along. And worse the people around you are aware of them being there so they are not surprised at all. So of course at that point you don’t know which way is up and which way is down.

So suddenly your significant other takes on a sinister form to you even if they are not. Sinister now just because of the fact that you can’t tell what’s going on with them and no matter what they say … or how much they say “trust me, trust me” you can’t. In fact you trust your enemies now more because at least you have always categorized them as hostel and possibly deceptive.

The ground you trust, because if there is one thing you can trust. It’s the ground that is always there, …. it’s always down, solid and predictable but after a earth quake or … after you foot sinks into the concrete as if it’s water then ….”you don’t know who they are” …… “and out of everybody you knew them the best.”